Back to School, Back to School!
What a Houston Child Counselor Wishes She Could Tell Parents
by Kristin Dawson, LPC-A
It’s back to school time in Houston, and lots of kids have lots of feelings about that. Here at Houston Family Therapy Associates, we hear a lot from our clients about those feelings. Here’s the inside scoop from one child therapist—what she wishes all Houston parents knew about how their children are feeling about back to school.
Fear of School
There is one thing that I wish I could communicate to all of my client’s parents and caregivers right now. In fact, I wish I could rent out fancy billboards with light up arrows and giant graphics to let them know that turbulent times are ahead. It is BACK TO SCHOOL season and while we promote this as something exciting it is also a time of anxiety-provoking questions and uncertainty.
Back to School Anxiety
Even when kids do not talk about these worries directly it’s a fair bet that they are wondering:
Is my teacher going to be nice?
Will they like me?
Am I going to get in trouble this year?
Will I have to wait until afternoon until I get to go outside?
Is my classroom going to be close to the cafeteria and smell bad?
Plus, summer is over and that is sad.
Social Anxiety in Children
In addition, there are lots of social issues involved in going back to school. Lots of kids are wondering:
Are any of my friends going to be in my class?
Will the kids in my class like me?
Am I going to cry when I say goodbye to my important adult?
Are people in my class going to make fun of me?
Will I have the right kind of backpack/lunch box/new shoes?
How Can I Help my Child Succeed in School?
Meanwhile parents and caregivers are running their own list of questions and concerns:
Is this teacher going to understand my kid?
Am I going to get calls from the school this year?
Is my kid going to have friends in their class?
Am I going to cry when I say goodbye on the first day?
Did I remember all the right school supplies and uniform requirements?
How am I going to coordinate school drop-off and pick-up with my work schedule and not be late for either?
How much time can I give as a volunteer this year?
Plus, summer is over and the opportunity for enrichment and avoiding the summer slide has passed. It is time for grown ups to let go of the expectations that they might have hoped to accomplish (reading all of the Harry Potter books as a family, trying a meal from a different culture every week, using the Astros games to learn about statistics, and so on). And that is disappointing.
How to Help Child with Anxiety About School
While the grown ups do a great job of keeping all talk about the new year upbeat and enthusiastic, kids feel their anxiety and it contributes to their own feelings of uncertainty.
My idea is that we might look past the back to school ads with joyful kids in brightly colored backpacks and impeccable uniforms and remember starting a new school year is a big transition for kids. It is a challenging time and kids need extra support and patience.
We can help them by:
establishing (and practicing) consistent routines
creating structure and reassuring them that although it will be new for a while, they will learn what it is like to be in this different class or grade and it will get easier.
How To Help a Child with Anxiety About School
Instead of asking well intentioned but closed-ended questions like “Are you excited about the new school year?” we can start real conversations about what to expect by asking “What do you think we will be different this year?” or “What do you think you will like about your class this year?”.
Back to school season can be a thrill with new school supplies (my personal favorite) and hopes for a great start. At the same time kids have worries and these combined with uncertainty felt by parents, caregivers and important grown ups creates turbulence. This is a time to buckle up, settle in and set realistic expectations to manage the ups and downs. By supporting our kids in this way we can make it a smoother ride for everyone.
If you feel like you could use some support (for you or your child!), we are here for you! Just call us at (713) 936-0633 or email us at info@houstonfamilytherapyassociates.com. You can book a free phone consultation and talk to us about back to school or whatever else we can help with!