We’re glad you asked. Play therapy is a way of working with children in a developmentally appropriate way. It’s based on the fact that kids play more easily than they can verbalize what’s happening for them, the way adults do when they go to therapy. Kids get a chance to “play out” their thoughts, feelings, and ideas in play therapy.

As kids play with a specially trained therapist, they get a chance to express their feelings, make sense out of things that have happened to them, and to master difficult reactions or emotions. It also can be incredibly effective and helpful to have someone there just for them when they’re going through a difficult time. Adults often think of childhood as an idyllic phase of life and don’t remember the hard parts. Kids are navigating tough stuff all the time and can use someone in their corner to listen.

Usually, kids are in charge of what they play in a counseling session. Sometimes, a play therapist might have a game or activity to help the child in their progress, but even then, the child is able to express themselves (or not!) as they’d like to. Play therapy is a place designed to be for kids to lead and adults to follow.

Appearances can be deceiving, especially to logical, adult eyes. But what kids get out of their counseling sessions can be powerful--they can develop recognition of their feelings, increase their ability to express themselves, and understand their experiences better through their play. All of these things can translate to kids who can regulate their emotions and behaviors more easily outside of play therapy sessions. The Association for Play Therapy says that “research suggests that play therapy is an effective mental health approach, regardless of age, gender, or the nature of the problem, and works best when a parent, family member, or caretaker is actively involved in the treatment process.” We agree--we see it all the time at our play therapy office.

Most child counselors want to give children their privacy but know that it’s vital that their adult caregivers be in the loop. Because at our practice we don’t like to talk about kids in front of them, we don’t do the “waiting room discussion.” Instead, we maintain open channels of communication with parents during regularly scheduled appointments (and by email or phone call if you need to touch base). Those give us a chance to have you fill us in on what’s happening outside the play room and we can give you updates and ideas for maximizing your child’s progress outside of play therapy sessions.

It takes a few sessions for children to get to know and trust their play therapists and then several more for them to work on what’s hard for them. We stay in touch with parents and monitor how things are going outside of play therapy sessions. We expect for kids to improve and when they do, we introduce the idea of ending sessions to parents before we talk to kids about it. If we’re all on the same page, we talk to kids about it and give them an idea of when we’ll be stopping (usually in two to three more sessions). It’s a truth that sometimes things get worse before they get better--hang in there, it doesn’t mean it’s not working--sometimes just the opposite is true!

First, good for you for wanting to keep your child in the loop about what’s happening for them! Second, you can tell them that you know that (fill in the blank) has been hard for them lately, and you’ve found a grownup called a play therapist to help. You can let them know a play therapist’s whole job is to help kids who have worries or concerns. Your child counselor can let you know the structure of the intake so you can describe it to your child before you come. At our office, kids get to play with their therapist during the intake--no tests, not a lot of questions, just come and be themselves. (Parents meet with the child counselors privately, so we’re not talking about kids in front of them.)

Therapy, by its very nature, can involve discomfort. Remembering unpleasant events and becoming aware of feelings attached to those events can bring on strong reactions. If your child is playing out some of those feelings, they might be loud. Testing limits with a therapist can also be part of the process. If these things happen, please know that they are normal, expected, and that we are comfortable handling them. There is no need for your child to behave in any way other than how they are comfortable in their sessions. For these reasons, we don’t request that children be “good,” that they work hard, and we don’t give stickers or other “rewards” after sessions. We want them to know that we accept them, just as they are.

Our play therapists want to honor their young client’s privacy, and so we avoid talking about kids in front of them. If your child wants to talk about what happened, that’s great! Try not to ask too many questions, even if you’re dying to know. If your child’s counselor has a serious concern they will let you know right away. We also are available by phone and email and schedule regular parent meetings so we can let you know how things are doing and get in-depth updates from you.

Ninety percent of the benefit that your child will get from their play therapy comes from what you do outside of sessions. Your child’s counselor will have recommendations for you. They may include using simple phrases to let your child know how they’re feeling (“You look sad.”). We often recommend a “special play time”--spending 30 minutes a week playing with your child, while letting them take the lead. The best way to learn these skills is to take one of our parent classes.

A classic at the top of our list is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish gives you an idea of the importance of tuning in to your kids in a different way.

For tweens and teens, Getting to Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens & Teens by Laura Kastner breaks common parenting quandaries down into chapters by topic and gives words and phrases to help you find YOUR calm.

Our fees range from $100 to $200 per 45-50 minute therapy or coaching session, depending on which therapist is the right fit for your family. Intake sessions are an hour and a half long in total, and range from $150 to $300.

If we see each other accidentally outside of the therapy office, I will not acknowledge you first. Your right to privacy and confidentiality is of the utmost importance to me, and I do not wish to jeopardize your privacy. However, if you acknowledge me first, I will be more than happy to speak briefly with you, but feel it appropriate not to engage in any lengthy discussions in public or outside of the therapy office.

Our therapy clients’ privacy & confidentiality are very important to us, and we follow all state and federal guidelines to protect them. You can get a copy of them by asking your provider, calling or emailing us, or by clicking here.